KEYS HUMOR: THE TOP 10 “OTHER WAYS” YOUR PRIVACY IS POSSIBLY BEING EXPOSED

As we all know by now, people will debate vaccinations, masks and science until they’re blue in the face. But if there’s one consistent conspiracy that has lingered from one presidential term to the next, it’s the belief that vaccinations offer backdoor access to one’s personal privacy and identity. Look, we’re not here to debate one side or the other. But when it comes to privacy issues, we believe there are (possibly) some common practices that might be leaving your identity more vulnerable than getting jabbed by a COVID shot. So whether it’s the Russians, Chinese government, Big Pharma or your weird neighbor who never leaves his basement, here are… 

The Top 10 “Other Ways” Your Privacy Is Possibly Being Exposed

10. Your evil parents had you vaccinated for measles and polio when you were a kid. 

9. You’re a sucker for those online surveys that ask you to combine your first pet’s name and the street you grew up on to find your “porn name” or the celebrity you’re most compatible with. Yet you fail to realize these are the same security questions your email provider and every other internet account uses to keep you safe. 

8. You think those pop-up ads offering you blue pills are a result of psychic trolls who can read your mind.

7. You’ve been arrested three times for felony assault, but you still go to great lengths to keep “big brother” from obtaining your personal information.

6. You keep clicking the fake “skip ad” box on Pornparade.com.

5. You protest vaccines — by regularly posting dozens of daily pictures of yourself on social media protesting vaccines.

4. You have a cellphone that knows more about you than your own mother. Oh, and your face and fingerprint unlock it. 

3. You have a mailbox. Not on your computer, but an actual mailbox. Where everything from your social security number to your bank accounts are left sitting outside your house, unlocked, for hours at a time.

2. You believe voting machines are easier to corrupt than sites you belong to like Yahoo, LinkedIn, Facebook and Marriott International — and among them, over 4.5 billion users have been exposed by privacy hacks.

1. You won’t use debit cards because the chip is “the mark of the beast.” But you’ll spit into a vial for Ancestry.com in hopes your Celtic tattoo has some type of Irish validity. (Note: everyone knows you’re not Irish).

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