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Category: Barstool Astrology

BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: VIRGO SEASON HATH ARRIVED

Bleach your bathtubs, my babies, Virgo season hath arrived. The modality of Virgo is advancement through ritual purification, it is decisive, exacting and at times ruthless in the pursuit of perfection. Virgo is ever operating from a place of intention rather than impulse; words are measured, actions weighed. It is in some ways the sign of our better angels or divine potential.  Bow to the godly, resist the lowly and exult in the humanity we find between.  Virgo Aug. 23 to Sept. 22 Fellow Virgo Siegfried Sassoon transformed his combat experience into a collection of poetry so visceral...

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BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: POWER & POSSIBILITIES ARE IN THE STARS

While the first half of August has been, astrologically speaking, a trying sort of dumpster fire, the remaining weeks are bound for glory. Five celestial bodies —the sun, Mercury, Venus, Saturn and Neptune — are giving us a much-needed dose of power and possibilities. Adding to this planetary good, the 22nd brings a blue moon. Full moons are related to endings and energy shifts. This blue moon will conjoin with gregarious, dice-rolling, planet of luck Jupiter, which should lend the whole lunation an air of good fortune.  To harness the energy of summer’s last act, be clear about what you...

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BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: CHIRON HAS STATIONED ITSELF RETROGRADE

Good news: We have the lion’s share of Leo season ahead of us. Troubling update: We need the promised distraction of pageantry, Polaroid nudes and one-night stands to weather the storm now that Chiron has stationed itself retrograde.  Chiron, named for the mythical centaur healer who suffered from an incurable wound, not so gently pulls back the scab and unearths the skeletons. Sage advice for survival from Indian mystic Papaji: “Whatever comes, let it come, what stays let stay, what goes let go.”  LeoJuly 23 to Aug. 22 My youngest sister and favorite lion, reminded an ex, “The thing...

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BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: LEO SEASON IS GOING TO BE BIG & BOLD

Leo season is upon us, with an energy akin to Texas: big, brazen and boldly belt-buckled, shining relentlessly on those who have to squint and bear it. While Leo is the sign voted most likely to masturbate to their own sex tape, they’re also most likely to give to charity or post bail for an attractive stranger. Leo excels at creating, then stabilizing, dramatic situations. At worst, it’s stubborn, self-righteous and sort of mean. Conquering is curative to Leo, but it wants to rule magnanimously. Leo itself is ruled by the sun, the largest and brightest celestial body. Fittingly, Leo...

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BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: EMOTIONS ARE HEIGHTENED

We remain in the soft saltwater belly of Cancer season, and all thoughts are on feelings, what rises to the surface and what has kept us from it. Emotions are heightened during this cycle and we should allow them their elevation and honor them through creative expression.  Cancer season invites us to be the kind of delicate, determined creature that feels acutely and creates urgently. Get to it.   CancerJune 21 to July 22 When Mercury, planet of communication, enters Cancer on July 11, you may find yourself in deep and out far in terms of conversations. Now is not the hour to...

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BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: WHAT’S ON YOUR HORIZON?

The best and brightest news this week is the movement of lucky, jolly AF Jupiter into water sign Pisces where it will remain until late July. The effect of this home stay can be felt in flexible collaborations, relentless good vibes and heightened intuition. The whole scene is a lot like a Lisa Frank illustration, albeit with more nudity thanks to Taurus still hanging out in the heavens until May 20th. Jupiter will return to Pisces next year so think of these next few weeks as a buoyant preview of the good times to come.  Aries March 21 – April 19There is perhaps no word less sexy, interesting...

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Barstool Astrology: Transitioning from Aries to Taurus

This week marks the transition from Aries to Taurus. See what you can do with this renewed, earthbound energy with the Keys Weekly’s… Aries March 21 – April 19 As we transition from the infernal power of your ruling season into the earth bound energy of Taurus you may find yourself feeling stagnant, holding on to a large, woven basket of unspent frustrations and directionless ire. I have an earthly outlet for you Aries, exercise. Whether its sex or sport or sporty sex, sweat it out to let it out.  Notable Aries: Andrei Tarkovsky/ April 4, 1932 Taurus April 20 – May 20 In her poem “How...

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WHAT DO THE STARS HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU?

Welcome to the thick of Aries season. As the cardinal and brashest of the fire signs, Aries energy is action-oriented. It dares to fail and moves, relentlessly and sometimes gracelessly, but always forward. Go forth with force and determination, but not without consideration for the effect you have on others. Aries March 21 – April 19 A very wise Aries recently said, “Your anger loves you,” she said. “It wants better for you and from you.” I invite you, fellow rams, to love your anger back. Listen to it, and allow it to deliver its message to you, rather than through you.  Notable Aries: Cesar...

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