BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY: LEO SEASON IS GOING TO BE BIG & BOLD
Leo season is upon us, with an energy akin to Texas: big, brazen and boldly belt-buckled, shining relentlessly on those who have to squint and bear it.
While Leo is the sign voted most likely to masturbate to their own sex tape, they’re also most likely to give to charity or post bail for an attractive stranger.
Leo excels at creating, then stabilizing, dramatic situations. At worst, it’s stubborn, self-righteous and sort of mean. Conquering is curative to Leo, but it wants to rule magnanimously. Leo itself is ruled by the sun, the largest and brightest celestial body. Fittingly, Leo energy is royal AF. It lives to be seen, demands to be worshipped and will not be ignored. It will not play bass in the family band. It will sing lead and set the curtains on fire if attention shifts or applause wanes. Channel all that solar firepower into confidence, assertion and a commitment to shooting your shot.
Go forth and roar in fearless pursuit of the love you deserve and the life you want.
July 23 to Aug. 22
Happy solar return, Leo. You are never more billable than when your sign rules the skies. Consider the musings of fellow lion and OG femme fatale Mata Hari, “I was not content at home. I wanted to live like a colorful butterfly in the sun.” Sure, it sounds like someone high on MDMA, but it’s the energy I want to see from you. Get out there and throw all your colors into the sun that’s shining on and for you.
Notable Leo: James Hetfield/Aug. 3, 1963
Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
Leo season wants you to take care of your animal self, Virgo. Eat something green. Have a good laugh and a long sleep. Walk in the wilderness. Clean your room, and gently purge yourself of the poisons of hard living and cheap fun. Be grateful in, through and for the body that carries you.
Notable Virgo: Henry Hudson/Sept. 12, 1575
Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
With Venus, planet of love and possessions, moving through your 12th house of dreams and delusions, you may have a hard time distinguishing between reality and imagination. Be particularly wary of people, objects and opportunities that seem too good to be true. Mystic and apex womanizer Carlos Castaneda said, “Things are only real after one has learned to agree on their realness.” Take your time making that assessment, Libra.
Notable Libra: Serena Williams/Sept. 26, 1981
Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
Photojournalist and fellow Scorpio Lisl Steiner has a peculiar practice about birthdays.
“I make myself one year older. I don’t want to look younger, I like to be one year ahead.” Apply a similar spirit, Scorpio. Be wholly happy for the gift of living and aspire always to be and become your finer, future self.
Notable Scorpio: Selma Lagerlöf /Nov. 20, 1858
Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
When COVID ceased runway shows, visionary (and often problematic) designer John Galliano created a short, ambitious film to showcase his handmade and horror-inspired Artisanal collection. Rather than limit his output, he built a radically different container for it. Adopt a similar strategy. To greet what is to come, create something that’s never been.
Notable Sagittarius: Zachary Taylor/Nov. 24, 1784
Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
The idiom “enough is enough” typically refers to exasperation. But for you, sea goat, I offer an alternate interpretation. What you are, and what you have, is enough. Believe that level of enough is enough for you. Find stillness in that simple satisfaction, as more is a dangerous aim.
Notable Capricorn: Jane Wyman/Jan. 5, 1917
Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
After her husband accidentally killed a lioness, fellow Aquarius Joy Adamson adopted an orphan cub. She named her Elsa and spent months training her to hunt and survive. Elsa became the first lion ever successfully released into the wild. I hope, water bearer, that you, too, find freedom through freedom.
Notable Aquarius: Christian Dior/Jan. 21, 1905
Feb. 19 to March 20
Your mission, Pisces, should you choose to accept it, is to worship yourself. You’re a giver and, if we’re being frank, a borderline martyr. But giving to yourself is not taking away from others. Even OG martyr Jesus H. Christ prioritized self-care by carousing with hookers, drinking wine and allowing himself a desert walkabout. Spend some time finding what makes you feel fine.
Notable Pisces: Edward Enninful/Feb. 22, 1972
March 21 to April 19
The sun in Leo spotlights your fifth house of the exalted inner child and reckless romantic. Cue the dice games, abstract painting and risky sexual behavior. After the puddle of mud that Cancer season amounted to, you are right to let the good times roll. Just rein in anything, and forfeit anyone, that may cause lasting harm.
Notable Aries: Lil Nas X/April 9, 1999
April 20 to May 20
Out with the old and in with the bold, Taurus. A pair of full moons in Aquarius sheds light on your career zone. Now is not the time to demure, hoping your talents will be secretly discovered. Use your outside voice and be a horned, happy and unapologetic force for forward momentum and self-advocacy. Step out of the pen and into the open field of destiny.
Notable Taurus: John Brown/May 9, 1800
May 21 to June 20
Never at a loss for words, Gemini, Leo season demands you create an occasion to share them. With a lion in the sky, you are obliged to mix metaphors, liquor and company. Dorothy Parker instructs, “Drink and dance and laugh and lie, love the midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)” Speak while you have a tongue, dance while the music plays and have a good time before time runs out.
Notable Gemini: Hattie McDaniel/June 10, 1895
June 21 to July 22
You, moon child, are planetarily poised to have a big, sexy, hair-pulling time in this last gasp of July. Putting Cancer season behind you, discard also the rusty anchors of past resentment. Gag that persistently pragmatic voice you call better judgment, and just say yes. Go out on a limb, take someone home on a whim and give yourself permission to ruthlessly enjoy yourself.
Notable Cancer: Dolly the Sheep/July 5, 1996
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